❄ but the most special are the most lonely ❄

[letmetakeaselfie]

I. ( tony + steve + bruce )

[ tony's face-plate comes up, all but dragging steve over the threshold. he just has to focus on keeping the super soldier awake so they can get to bruce and get patched up. and then everything will be fine - it'll all be fine. nevermind that cap's best friend is now a psycho killer and is totally on the loose and natasha blew up s.h.i.e.l.d. via the interwebs and put a huge target on all of their heads.

at least he's not panicking.

he has no actual way of knowing how injured he personally is under the suit, either. he's in so much shock and so jacked up on adrenaline that anything is possible. he just hopes it isn't beyond the doctor's scope. JARVIS puts in the passcode wirelessly so tony can carry steve through the door, princess-style. ]

Medic? We need a medic... [ the joke dies on his lips, meeting bruce's gaze across the room. god is he a sight for sore eyes. ]

II. ( tony + steve + bruce + pepper )

[ once tony and steve are cleaned up and back in their street clothes, they may as well get ready for the q&a that's coming. there are a lot of things he's still not willing to discuss - peggy and her husband; his father; bucky... but neither of them are going to get a choice. he loves pepper and bruce with all (both) his heart(s) but this is some heavy shit, so instead he just blurts out the first thing that comes to his mind.

it's also the dumbest. ] Widow will be happy you finally got yourself a date, huh, Cap? [ he nudges the other man's shoulder and looks to everyone else, sorry. that's the best he's got. ]

III. ( tony + steve )

[ tony wanders out to the living room, finding steve out on the couch where he'd left him. he knows just by the unsteady rise and fall of his chest that he's not sleeping. how could either of them after that? without saying a word, he slots his slighter frame in next to him, carefully avoiding both of their injuries and pulling out his phone. ]

I wasn't kidding about that like page, you know. [ he shows cap the facebook fan page that allegedly phil set up. it has a much more flattering image than the twitter. also 14 million something likes. ] You have almost as many fans as me.

[ he's not even being cheeky (much), he has over 19 million. ]

IV. ( tony + pepper )

[ pepper's not up yet and tony hasn't slept yet, which really, if it weren't so commonplace by now might be more traumatic. as it is, he eyes her heels at the base of the bed; she had fallen asleep in her clothes. poor pepper, he'd probably exhausted her and worried her sick with all of this. again, par for their course, but still.

before he can talk himself out of it, he sits on a corner of the bed and goes about trying to get his feet into her shoes. she would totally kill him if she woke up right now, but as they'd established that day they went to the park, it was really hard being short. ] What does she have, elf feet...?

[ he asks the open air, wobbling to his feet and immediately falling to the ground. this wasn't his best laid plan by far. he's just going to lay here for a while. this carpet is soft and his entire body is a bruise. ]

Comments

[letmetakeaselfie]

[ tony makes a face and lifts an eyebrow, sitting up though the pillow is still held up in case of a stealth attack. ]

This is me we're talking about.

[valuedstrength]

True. [He's going to half-heartedly toss another card at him for that. Steve picks up some more and grabs a seat.]

I know that my life is pretty terrible right now, but you went through a lot too. [He tosses another at Tony. This is a good sign, right? He's already internalizing his trauma and pain so he can be helpful.]

We can talk about it when you're ready. [Lala watch him toss another.]

[letmetakeaselfie]

[ he's so stunned he drops his pillow-shield and takes the card to the face, just staring at steve with arguably doey eyes. he doesn't even react when it hits him, just tilts his head and narrows his eyes like he's still not seeing the other man clearly. ]

You're... you're a fucking idiot. You know that right? [ jesus christ steve ]

[valuedstrength]

[Steve stops when Tony doesn't block it. He awkwardly shuffles what remains in his hand.] Yeah it's kind of hard to miss at this point.

[He trusts the wrong people and makes all the bad decisions when it comes to himself.]

[letmetakeaselfie]

[ he sighs, remembering he's pretty banged up himself when he draws his legs up. yeah he's just going to stay here a while. ]

We both lost our most important people, okay? You don't get to play therapist. [ he doesn't mean to sound so hostile, and his gaze is still fearful at best. ]

What happened to I make everything about me? [ it's softer; almost meek. he pulls his legs into his chest and looks at his shoes. ]

[valuedstrength]

[He smiles weakly, shrugging with his good shoulder.] I care a lot more about you than I do me if we're being honest here. [As if he ever really stops aside from telling people what they want to hear about him. Steve sighs softly. He seems oddly at peace with all of it.]

Besides, you were born into this. I tried to make things better and failed miserably. Everything going on right now is a consequence of my actions. I don't really have a right to pity myself.

[letmetakeaselfie]

[ an angry tear marks its path down his face as he looks back up, gaze flashing dangerously as it locks on steve. ]

You don't have the right to tell me that. [ he doesn't mean the caring thing, but hey that too. why not, throw it in. ] My whole life...

[ was basically a lie. but steve had been one of the people to tell him he was a good man despite all of it. that he'd made circumstance his bitch. ]

Steve, I don't blame you. Because no one in their right mind would. Saying you becoming a popsicle led to Hydra blowing up S.H.I.E.L.D. 70 years in the future is like saying the dinosaurs caused rap music.

[ and he's mad - oh yes. so mad that after all he's done steve still doesn't give a fuck about himself. ]

[valuedstrength]

[Steve inches forward in his seat, but stops himself from reaching out to touch Tony. The cards slip out of his hands as he stares at the other man stoically.] I should have killed Zola after he gave us the intelligence we needed. [Only they both know he couldn't do that. It's too against his nature to murder in cold blood.]

I wasn't there to make them stop. I wasn't there to protect Howard or you or anyone else who needed me. I'm not sure if it was because I was so naive that I thought giving up my life would be enough to end it or that I didn't want to live without him. [He likes to think that second one can't be true. He learned, didn't he? It was painful at first, but he managed it.]

Either way, I messed up and now we're here. I blame me because in the end Zola was right about one thing. [He laughs both soft and bitter.] My life is worthless. I couldn't save anyone. Not really.

[letmetakeaselfie]

[ the anger pops and all he can do is shake his head vehemently, curling in on himself even more when steve shifts nearer. ] Didn't you just get done telling me you wouldn't stick around if I turned into a monster?

[ tony swallows, cheek resting on his knee as he shruggles with himself not to lose his temper all over again. ]

It doesn't matter why, okay? It doesn't fucking matter. You're here now and so help me if you --
[ he chokes on the words, launching himself forward and wrapping his arms around steve's waist. he isn't mindful of his injuries in the least like he might normally be, face pressing into the other man's chest. ]

You're not worthless. You have worth. You have a fucking museum exhibit full of how much worth you have. Moron. [ he squeezes tighter. this man is going to be his death. ]

[valuedstrength]

[Steve stops moving forward once he notices Tony curling in. It stings, but okay he deserves that. He deserves a lot of things right now in his frankly stupid opinion. It doesn't matter in the end since he suddenly has arms at his waist and while it hurts it's preferable to the alternative. His brows knit together in brief acknowledge of the sting before his good arm snakes around Tony. He speaks quietly; heartbroken.]

Captain America does. [There is a difference. He never owned the persona the way Tony did Iron Man. The super soldier was the very best of him. Steve Rogers is human; selfish, stupid, and always picking fights he can't win.]

I needed it to be worth it. I didn't live for seventy years. My world, my friends, everything that meant something to me... I lost it for nothing. Everything was undone barely a year later.

[The only comfort is he prevented a mass murder, but did he really? How many have been killed over the years?]

[letmetakeaselfie]

I would've done the same exact thing and you know it. I did it, even. I'm just way luckier. [ he squeezes again, swallowing back tears and forcing himself to breathe though there's so much pressure on his chest he doesn't feel like he can at first. ]

Would my life have been better if you weren't a ghost story? Maybe. Would you have been able to save my parents? Who knows. What if isn't going to fix this.

But we can. [ tony pulls away a couple inches, knowing he's hurting both of them. he wipes the back of his sleeve across his face. ] Me and you.

[valuedstrength]

[A lot goes through his head as Tony pulls back and offers to do this with him. Mainly he remembers a bar in London where he convinced a group of idiots to join him on a quest to defeat the people who captured them. Then asked his barely stable best fried to come along for the ride. Unintentionally he echoes himself looking paler as the words come out.]

You want to follow Captain America into the jaws of death? [It's not working out so well for the last guy.]

[letmetakeaselfie]

If that's what it takes? Yeah.

[ there's no hesitation here, steve, so if you were expecting that to hang him up you're sol ]

[valuedstrength]

[He really is. Steve just stares at Tony without bothering to hide his terror. He feels so broken at this point. He knows there's not much ground left for him to stand on or a way to stop Tony even if he truly wanted to go it alone. He breathes in and out shakily. He thinks he's going to cry again despite not wanting to.]

You know Natasha is going to have to commit me if anything happens to you, right? [Because he'd never put that on Pepper and frankly she's the only one who'd have the guts to admit he was a lost cause at that point.]

It has to end with you. You can't be like the rest of them. I don't have anything else left.

[As much as he loves Bucky, Steve has no illusions about their relationship. Bucky was always the strong one who could survive anything. Steve won't be able to help him if things get any worse assuming that's possible to begin with.]

[letmetakeaselfie]

[ tony moves up on his knees to catch steve's eyes, hating that he hears the same fear he'd heard in bruce's voice on the phone. when did so many people become reliant on him? or you know, like, 3. but they just so happened to be the strongest people he knew and yet they looked to him. counted on him to be there. he rests his hand on steve's knee to steady himself. ]

No more suicide missions, for real this time. We don't go til we're ready. [ which also never seemed to work out, but they wouldn't be caught off guard this time, and if they were together even a sneak attack couldn't easily get both of them to fold. he's confident and unwavering -- he would never be able to live with himself if steve went this alone and didn't make it out the other side.

the way steve says that too, he hears his own voice echoing back at him. you're all i have, pepper. it makes him have to catch his breath a second. ] And you have Pepper, too. She even follows you on Twitter now.

[valuedstrength]

[He nods slowly. For once Steve feels that he will actually commit to that. The urge to run off and make it all up as he goes along isn't there anymore. He's too tired mentally and physically. The only way to save Bucky is to be careful anyways.

He shakes his head at the comment about Pepper though. He doesn't quite smile though he tries to.] I already feel bad enough depending on you so much. I don't want to start weighing her down too.

[letmetakeaselfie]

Nah, she lives for this stuff. You've totally made her year. [ it's said in a joking manner, but it's actually 100% fact. tony climbs up on the couch and stretches out over the scattered cards everywhere, head pillowing on steve's thigh so he can stare up at the ceiling. he doesn't like how small this place feels -- how closed in. he wants to go home.

then again, home is where his family is and all of them are here. ]

[valuedstrength]

I can't tell if you're kidding or not. [She does seem pretty invested in taking of care of other people. Steve rests his hand on Tony's shoulder and soaks the moment in. He already feels a little more calm from the contact.]

[letmetakeaselfie]

[ he usually would just keep messing with cap, but this is kind of important. he shakes his head against the other man's leg. ] I'm not. She really loves having you around, man. And not just because you do dishes.

[valuedstrength]

[Steve plays it all, the trip to the park and breakfast specifically, back in his head. One of the fun things about the serum is that he never seemed to have trouble recalling things. If anything his recollections are a little too vivid for his own good. It fits even if for the life of him he can't guess what he ever did to make Pepper like him. He thinks he's always been a problem for her if anything.

Steve sighs gently, looking away from Tony, and stating noncommittally.] She's a good woman.

[It kind of goes without saying he's always liked her. He doesn't think it's actually possible not to.]

[letmetakeaselfie]

The best. [ it's instant, something he doesn't have to think about. tony sighs, too. ]

I think you were right, before. I'm going to build her a suit.

[valuedstrength]

[Steve nods. This isn't how he wanted to hear he was right. He wanted Tony to give into the fact that Pepper with a suit? Coolest thing ever. Now he can only see the practicality of it. She needs a way to fight back since they're surrounded by enemies who only hit below the belt. He has to imagine after all the hell they gave Tony that she wouldn't mind getting a few hits in too.]

I'm sure it will be something. [It's a nice thing to look forward to seeing if nothing else.]

[letmetakeaselfie]

Yeah. [ his smile is soft and almost wry, not that it lasts long anyway. pepper having their backs from here was enough to show him that in the field she'd be even better. probably better than him, even. he throws his arm over his forehead. ]

It's okay, you can say 'I told you so.'

[valuedstrength]

That would be rude, Tony. [He smiles. His tone kind of screams 'I told you so' anyways.] Look I can't appreciate where you're coming from. I was trained by my... [He struggles here since they never had a title.] person so I think she was the one left worrying most of the time. I do know that Pepper has a lot of potential. I can really see her with us.

[The way he could see Natasha and Clint despite them looking like the worst picks to save the world at the time the Battle of New York took place. Two traitors known for their skills as killers? They didn't scream hero material at the time and yet that's who he went in with and trusted to get the job done. Pepper is actually one of his better calls by far, he thinks.]

[letmetakeaselfie]

By your person. [ he repeats, almost sing-song. god that's cute. shut up steve. ]

She worries about me plenty. Who knows, maybe she'd worry less if she could yell at me real-time.