let's perform my favorite little scene ⋆

[letmetakeaselfie]

Tony had gone through a rough patch following Ultron, but Pepper had been there with him for all of it like always. She was always so good to him, and he's trying to be more engaged and take cues; and not give her any more reason to worry. So when she comes to him in the lab, he whirls around immediately, focused entirely on her. Usually he would at least take a moment to finish up whatever he was working on, but he can't let things continue to degrade. He needs to be a part of their solution.

And when he catches the look on her face he's glad he got his head out of his ass in record time. "Pepper, what is it?" A second later it sinks in that something is wrong. He's popping up out of his seat and going to her without being asked, but what comes next is the last thing he could have possibly expected. Pregnant? It doesn't make sense. He floats away for a second before forcing himself back into the moment.

"Are you sure?" he asks, then grimaces, realizing it was dumb. He shakes his head as if he could etch-a-sketch what he just said. Of course she is or she wouldn't come to him with this. He reaches out for her arms, uncertain but knowing they should be close for this. He can't be a father, he's going to let her down. She already takes care of him, won't this just be twice as much on her plate? Breathing in shallowly through his nose, he rubs his thumbs against her elbows and tries not to look absolutely terrified.

Comments

[efficacy]

Pepper had readied all the words she was going to say to Tony in her head before ever approaching him in the lab, but now that she's standing here, having pushed out the simple truth, she finds all those carefully planned sentences have vanished into thin air. Her hands come up to grasp his arms, as if they're holding each other up-- maybe they are. Nodding, she swallows away the thickness in her throat and tries not to let the complete terror that seems to threaten to overtake Tony's expression deter her.

"I went to the doctor for a test today to make sure. I'm almost two months along already. I thought it was just stress-- it's happened before." The missed period, the fatigue and occasional nausea. She gives a watery, mirthless smile, shaking her head. "And I was on those antibiotics that time, the doctor thinks they interacted with the contraceptive."

She's never forgotten to take the pill, they've always been careful. A baby hadn't been on either one of their agenda, but now that they're faced with the reality of the situation, Pepper is realizing there really is only one possible solution. She can only hope Tony will eventually be onboard with it, because she can't bear the thought of losing him now.

"I already made the prenatal appointment for tomorrow," she goes on shakily, gripping him tighter. Because even in crisis, she's nothing if not efficient. "Tony... I know this wasn't the plan. I'm scared too, but I can't even think of-- terminating. And for me, this is probably the last chance I'll have."

She knows she's pushing it with a first-time pregnancy at forty, but if everything checks out, she knows this is what she's meant to do.

[letmetakeaselfie]

Terminating? God, he clutches her tighter, gaze watery as he meets hers with more bravery this time around. "God, Pepper..." That wasn't even a thought in his mind, but what does he have to offer a child? Two months, though. One hand jumps to cup her face, lips twitching as he tries to make the words pass through.

It's a much longer pause than he had aimed for, and now he isn't sure how to break the silence, his heart pumping so loudly he's sure she can hear it. "I love you," is all he gets out, but the doubts are flying around his head at full speed now.

[efficacy]

"I love you," she returns softly, leaning into his hand as she stares into his eyes, knowing exactly how terrified he is right now. She's hardly any better; she's just hiding it a little better.

"Tony..." She doesn't want to freak him out further, but she needs to say this as much for his as for her own sake. "In seven months, we're going to become Mommy and Daddy." She takes a deep breath, and she's probably already hormonal, but her eyes grow wet as she gives a tremulous smile. "And I think you'll be a great Daddy to our little boy or girl. I know you will."

[letmetakeaselfie]

It gets him right through the middle, moving closer to her still as he listens. He couldn't disagree with her more, but doesn't she know he'd do absolutely anything for her? His thumb rubs against her cheek as though he could wipe a tear away though none have fallen. "I..." For once, he's at a loss for words. He's never thought of himself that way, and never thought he would have to either. "I know you won't let me screw this up." He isn't even thinking of Howard now, but Ultron. Hasn't he already royally screwed up being a daddy?

[efficacy]

"No. We won't let each other screw this up," she corrects with a small smile, even if it's still tremulous at best. "I'm just as scared, Tony. Hell, I'm terrified. I never expected to do this, I have no--"

She cuts herself off on another deep breath, recognizing she's about to do her own brand of spiraling if she doesn't stop now. She has no plan for this, nothing prepared; but that could be fixed. And there was seven months to convince Tony he'd do so much better than he'd ever thought.

"We'll do this together. As a team." She lifts her hand and grabs his, holding on tightly; maybe a little too tightly, joking lamely, "I mean, people do this all the time, right? How hard can it be?"

[letmetakeaselfie]

His eyes widen a fraction more at the grab, but then he's nodding, as always hanging on her every word. It had taken him a long time to understand that Pepper needed him as much as he needed her, and it's something he still manages to forget on a regular basis. It's easier to step into this when she puts it all out on the table like that, though. "People much dumber than us," he agrees, giving a weak little snort of a laugh. He worries his lip, trying to soften his gaze as he looks into her eyes anew. "Do you-- want me there? At the appointment," he's quick to clarify, leaning his face almost too close not to go a bit cross-eyed.

[efficacy]

She breathes a short, little laugh at that. "Yeah. We should be a few steps ahead." Relieved that the glint of panic is gone from his eyes at least for the time being, Pepper makes to lean their foreheads together, but his question startles her enough to pull back a little without contact.

"Of course I do," she says instantly, earnestly. "They'll give me the first ultrasound." Her expression softens at the thought of actually seeing their baby for the first time; not that the fetus probably looks like much at eight weeks. "I wouldn't want you to miss that."

[letmetakeaselfie]

He doesn't know about these things, Pepper!!! But he catches on, nodding like he thinks he's supposed to. "Then I won't," he pledges, studying her face for clues before speaking again. "You know I've got your back, right?" No matter what, he always would. He's not really sure all of what that means in this context, but he has no choice but to deliver. This is Pepper. It hasn't fully sunk in that there's another life in the balance here, but he's still mostly in shock.

[efficacy]

"I know," she soothes, smiling a little. "Remember that when I'm crazy and hormonal and send you out for pickles in the middle of the night or something."

She's happy he's taking this so well. She knows he's probably still not grasping the full gravity of the situation, but at least he's not running away in terror. Pepper can't say she'd entirely blame him; she's not sure she's wholly dealt with this yet herself.

"We'll know more tomorrow after the appointment when they've checked everything out." She's still worried she's too old for this, but people had their first babies older nowadays, right? It should be fine. She squeezes his hand gently. "It's okay to be... shaken up, okay? This is kind of a big deal and neither of us we're prepared for it."

[letmetakeaselfie]

He laces their fingers immediately -- shock or not, he's always been in it with Pepper until the end, no matter what. Nothing could change that. So long as she wants him by her side, that's exactly what she'll have. Tony nods, trying to muster up some humor for the joke, but he knows it's falling flat.

"You don't..." Oh, god. His gaze tips down to her tummy briefly, worrying his lip as the fear usurps him once more. It's for a completely different reason this time, though. "You don't think there's something...?" His voice lowers a little as though the baby could overhear somehow. He can't even bring himself to say it, she's right. They just have to go to the appointment and figure this out together.

"Come here," he says suddenly, pulling her in for a soft kiss and then holding her against his chest. This is important, and he knows he can't be the hot mess on this one. He's going to pull it together somehow, but right now he just has to prove to Pepper that he can.

[efficacy]

"No," Pepper says quickly when Tony falls silent, shaking her head. "I mean, no reason why there would be anything..." Wrong. She's just as wary to actually say the word out loud as if doing that would make it come true. She goes easily when he tugs her over, closing her eyes at the gentle kiss and wrapping her arms around him firmly, cheek rubbing lightly against his.

"It's a routine check-up, but I'm a little old for a first-timer, so. Best to be sure," she says softly, fingers curling into his shirt. "Oh my god, I'm pregnant," she suddenly says slowly after a moment, as if the fact is only now just dawning on her. In a way, it is. Her shoulders shake faintly, but she's not exactly crying, though her tone is a little watery when she goes on, "I didn't know it was possible to be this terrified and excited at the same time."

And she is; it wasn't planned, but the more she thinks about it, the more she wants this new little person in their life. Somehow, they'd figure this out. They always do.

[letmetakeaselfie]

"Oh my god," he agrees, letting what she says sink in. Excited? Is he? Is that what the fluttering in his chest means, or is it unaccompanied panic? They're both old, but his parents were older too. Not that they're shining examples of anything, really. "You're not... old." Especially with Extremis, he realizes. She's perfectly healthy, nearly supernaturally so. Their child will be too, he's suddenly confident, but will they be irregular in any way? That would remain to be seen.

"I'm old," he reminds her, taking her cheek in hand and kissing her forehead before pulling back a little, though he still leans into her, hand winding around her waist in a loose embrace. "My mom was in her 30s, you know. And my dad was older than I am." And he turned out fine...? Not really, but hey it's something, maybe.

[efficacy]

"No, you're right," she agrees with a nod, mollified by some degree by his arguments, leaning into his touches. It's like the same thought spring into her mind as well, her expression taking on a more worried cast again. "But what if Extremis has affected the fetus somehow?"

Her free hand touches her still flat belly, unconsciously. She thinks if Extremis determined the baby to be some kind of foreign organism that didn't belong, she probably would have been clued onto the fact by now, but what if something else has happened? "There's no pediatrician specializing in babies born out of parents who have been biologically augmented."

[letmetakeaselfie]

She's right, and he's no biologist. Once again he laments the fact that Bruce is gone, but that was his choice. Tony shakes his head, placing his hand over hers without moving his gaze from her face.

"There might be. I'll reach out to some... people in the know." He means in the mutant community, but whatever. Same dif. "It's gonna be fine." As always, his optimism wins out against any battling negativity, especially where Pepper is concerned.

[efficacy]

"You have people in the know for this?" she questions with a bit of returning humor, lips quirking a little. But it's all just a joke, something to calm her nerves. She's quick to sober, nodding and laying her other hand over his, sandwiching his palm in between hers on her belly. "Okay."

She takes a deep breath. It's useless to fret too badly before they know more. "We'll see what happens tomorrow. We'll have more to go on, then."

[letmetakeaselfie]

"I have people in the know for everything, darling." He kisses her nose, his gaze growing warm. "Let's..." He jerks his head towards the stairs. He just wants to hold her now, and maybe talk some more in a more comfortable setting. He's never been good at waiting, but he knows she's right. They need the facts.

[efficacy]

"Thank god for that," she returns with a small smile that grows wider and warmer at the kiss to her nose. She nods readily at the suggestion, grabbing his hand and lacing their fingers before tugging him gently toward the stairs.

"When did you last eat? I could do with a snack." Now that she thinks about it.

[letmetakeaselfie]

"I could eat," he admits, more because he can't remember when he last ate. He probably has to start keeping better track of this stuff going forward. He has to take better care of himself overall, though his sleep has finally begun to improve since everything went down. "What do you want? Let me get this one."

[efficacy]

She hopes this will be a push toward Tony keeping a better track of his own eating and sleeping as well, but she's not expecting major strides just yet. Luckily they had seven months to go.

"Yeah? Think you could handle eggs?" she teases as they start to ascend the stairs. She actually does feel like scrambled eggs, though she's expecting to make them herself if she wants it to be edible. She will forever remember that omelette, let's not kid here.

[letmetakeaselfie]

"Oh, I can do better than handle them." That sounded weird, but he lets it roll off. "...Maybe you could walk me through it this time." That's right, he hasn't even tried since that time on the plane, but he has to start stepping up in his estimation. He doesn't want her stressed out while she's pregnant he's pretty sure he read somewhere that that's bad.

[efficacy]

She looks at him just to arch a brow at him, seeming more satisfied with his follow-up comment. "I think that can be arranged, this once." Smiling, she takes over as they enter the kitchen, getting the eggs and butter while she dispatches Tony to get out the frying pan.

"We should start thinking about the company, Tony," she remarks more seriously, setting the things on the kitchen counter. She knows this isn't Tony's favorite subject, but it will become pressing well before the baby will be born. It would be irresponsible not to start thinking on it. "Specifically, who'll take over for me while I'm on maternity leave."

[letmetakeaselfie]

She's right, he doesn't like talking about it. He immediately wants to protest when she starts getting everything without him, but then he realizes he wouldn't know what to get and hangs back just out of her bubble, leaning on the opposite counter.

"Won't I just do it?" He doesn't sound happy about it, but what other option did they have? Neither of them are all that easy to trust, and it's not like they don't have good reason. Obadiah, Killian, Maria... Tony sighs, waiting for her cue to step in.

[efficacy]

Pepper cracks the eggs into a bowl, adds some salt and hands the bowl over with a whisk, indicating he should whisk them lightly together.

"I guess," she relents at length, sighing through her nose. She's no keener than Tony is on bringing a stranger into the mix, and as capable as their boardmembers are, she doesn't trust any of them so completely as to nominate them for the task. "I just hate putting it on you. And you hate dealing with the minutia of running things-- not that I won't help you where I can, but still."

Because let's be honest, Pepper will not be able to step back from the job completely. A lot could be managed with a laptop and a cell phone.

[letmetakeaselfie]

He would protest if he knew that's where her thoughts were headed, but it just makes in sink in even further. He has to step up. Tony whisks the eggs with a frown on his face, going well beyond the necessary effort.

"You're not putting anything on me. I'm going to do whatever you need me to do." Even if he doesn't like it.

[efficacy]

"Well, I can still feel badly about needing you to do things you don't want to," she points out, reaching out to touch her fingers to his hand in order to still the intent whisking. That's enough, bae.

That wasn't normally an issue. She had no problem telling him to stop whining and get his ass into some meeting or another, but the CEO gig was admittedly better suited for her; and she really liked their current division of labor when it came to the company.

[letmetakeaselfie]

He stops as though he hadn't noticed he was close to sloshing them right out of the bowl. Tony gently sets it down on the counter and puts his hands on his hips -- feeling like it should be obvious what comes next but he's mystified.

"Don't feel bad, we're going to figure this out." Even if it seemed damn near impossible at the moment, not unlike making eggs.

[efficacy]

Pepper isn't entirely sure whether he means the work thing or the pregnancy as a whole, but her answer applies to both. "We always do, don't we," she says with a small smile. It wouldn't be easy, but they have a habit of eventually sorting everything out somehow. Grabbing the bowl, she beckons him over to the stove with a nod and orders lightly, "Now come here and learn how to make scramble."

[letmetakeaselfie]

He nods in response to both things, moving to stand by her and paying closer attention to cooking than he ever had. He's a genius and a scientist, this should be a simple equation for him. "I'm here." Both mentally and physically, he means, since that could often be in question.

[efficacy]

She gives him a small but earnest smile, deciphering his meaning. She adds some butter in the pan and after it melts, pours in the eggs carefully. "Low heat. They'll cook too quickly for scramble otherwise." She stirs the mixture occasionally with a wooden spoon, staying quiet for a moment.

"We should probably keep this to ourselves for the time being," she says quietly. "I mean, outside the select people we trust. We can't hide it forever, obviously." Wetting her lips nervously, she digs for the scant pieces of information she has about pregnancies in general. "But I think the chance for a miscarriage goes down after three months."

[letmetakeaselfie]

He's no good at keeping secrets, maybe, but he also hasn't been all that social lately. It seems reasonable until she gets to the last part, biting his lip against an unwelcome reaction. Pay attention to the eggs, he's reminding himself, swallowing past a dry patch in his throat. "Miscarriage?" His voice sounds tinny and small. Though he didn't even know this child existed until about five minutes ago, now the prospect of losing it is almost too much to bear. That's not going to happen to his kid, he won't even entertain the possibility.

[efficacy]

Biting her own lip, Pepper nods wordlessly as she keeps stirring the eggs, the mixture slowly firming up. The thought is equally as abhorrent to her -- she can hardly believe how protective she already feels towards the tiny life growing inside her; this must be the famous maternal instinct, she thinks -- but it's a fact that cannot be ignored; there's always a chance, no matter how small.

The eggs finally taking on the consistency of scramble, she turns off the heat. "Done." She's not sure Tony remembers anything of this later, though, considering the conversation they're having is more than distracting.

[letmetakeaselfie]

"...Maybe I should try now, while it's still fresh." He points to his head and narrows his eyes. The only way to really solidify a lesson with him is to do it himself before the directives disappear. He gestures for her to move over so he can take the helm.

[efficacy]

"Okay," Pepper agrees easily enough with a tiny smile, backing down a few steps. It makes sense. "Mind if I eat these while you do?"

She's already getting herself a plate from the nearby cabinet. Hey, he'll need the pan empty and all before making a new batch.

[letmetakeaselfie]

"By all means," he insists, knowing she was teasing him anyway. Tony steps forward and tries to put the steps in order in his head, worrying his lip as he doubtlessly overthinks it. Once she frees up the pan, he puts two more eggs into the mixing bowl and starts whisking them gently with a frown on his face. "Did you put milk in here once or did I imagine that?"

[efficacy]

"Sometimes," Pepper confirms with a slight nod as she takes a seat. "You can put some in if you want. I usually add milk if I'm making an omelet, but skip it with scrambled. No reason, really, it's just a... thing."

She thinks that probably didn't clarify the matter any for him as she takes a bite of eggs, chewing happily. She really was peckish.

[letmetakeaselfie]

It didn't. Cooking baffles him so much because there are no set rules. Not that he ever follows rules to begin with, but you know. "Okay," he says with a frown, looking to her for guidance as he goes to dump the eggs into the still hot pan.

[efficacy]

She gives him an encouraging smile, though it twitches a little in fond amusement; she can see how flummoxed he is by this. It's still so funny to her that someone so brilliant can have no clue when it comes to cooking.

Nibbling on her own eggs, she reminds him before he can toss the eggs into the pan, "Add a bit of butter in the pan first. When it's melted, pour in the eggs and then just stir the eggs with the wooden spoon in slow circles until they start to take the right shape."

[letmetakeaselfie]

"Butter, right." He moves to comply, setting the bowl down while he melts some butter then tries again. Here goes nothing, right? He lets out a breath, feeling strangely nervous all of the sudden. What if he screws it up? It never filters down that they're just eggs -- it's okay if they're not perfect. He remembers a full second later to pick up the wooden spoon as he forces a smile over his shoulder at her. "Can I put some cheese in mine?" It's not permission so much as help me please, but yeah it comes out funny and he knows it.

[efficacy]

Luckily she's fluent in Tony Stark after all these years, interpreting him with ease. She knows he's nervous; but she also knows that deep down this isn't really about the eggs. She has to wonder if Tony himself realizes that, though.

"Sure," she says easily, polishing off the last of her scramble. Slipping out of her seat, she gets out the bag of grated cheese for him, coming to stand next to him. "Though in that case you might want to make this into an omelet. Otherwise the cheese melts all over the pan and makes a bit of a mess." Quirking a smile, she runs one hand down his back affectionately. "Or you can take that risk and deal with washing the pan after."

[letmetakeaselfie]

"You know me," he's saying as he takes the bag. "I like to live on the edge." He dumps some cheese into the pan after the eggs, frowning at the mixture. This is the moment of truth.

[efficacy]

"That's certainly so." Welp. The eggs aren't yet entirely set thanks to the low heat, so at least the cheese melts nicely into it. Stirring it further might be a little challenging with the melty cheese, but the result doesn't look too bad. Thankfully. Pepper's not sure what parallels Tony might have drawn from that.

"Give it a little stir if you can," she says, motioning with a finger. "It smells good," she realizes after a moment, which takes her aback a little because cheese and eggs don't really smell like much, normally. Odd.

[letmetakeaselfie]

He gives her a strange look, but doesn't comment on it, doing his best to move the eggs around the pan. They seem to be firming up and generally looking better than he expected them to. "What do you think?" He carefully tips the pan a little so she can see into it better, lifting one eyebrow.

[efficacy]

"I think that you could get the hang of this cooking thing yet," she smiles, leaning in to peck his cheek lightly. "Give them just a little longer and they're done. You can turn off the heat already."

[letmetakeaselfie]

Tony smiles at the kiss, switching the stove off before moving around her to grab some bread. He wants toast now. "Thanks for the lesson," he says while he slots some gluten-free nonsense into the toaster. "If you teach me now I'll be primed and ready for all your whims." That came out a little racier than he'd meant it but he's not sweating it.

[efficacy]

"You're very welcome." She chuckles and raises a brow at the (unintentional) double-entendre, getting out some juice and yogurt from the fridge. "Careful. I'll be awash in pregnancy hormones soon enough; I might take that offer very literally one of these days."

Some pregnant women had a spike in their libido, right? She's pretty sure that could be a thing.

[letmetakeaselfie]

He gets down a plate and leans back against the counter, unable to keep his smile from growing into something more mischievous. "I live on the edge, remember? Careful isn't in my vocabulary."

[efficacy]

"You just remember that, later," she counters with a smirk, fond and playful in equal measures as she takes out glasses for them before seating herself again. "Your eggs are probably done."