penistower | ❄ but the most special are the most lonely ❄

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❄ but the most special are the most lonely ❄

I. ( tony + steve + bruce )

[ tony's face-plate comes up, all but dragging steve over the threshold. he just has to focus on keeping the super soldier awake so they can get to bruce and get patched up. and then everything will be fine - it'll all be fine. nevermind that cap's best friend is now a psycho killer and is totally on the loose and natasha blew up s.h.i.e.l.d. via the interwebs and put a huge target on all of their heads.

at least he's not panicking.

he has no actual way of knowing how injured he personally is under the suit, either. he's in so much shock and so jacked up on adrenaline that anything is possible. he just hopes it isn't beyond the doctor's scope. JARVIS puts in the passcode wirelessly so tony can carry steve through the door, princess-style. ]

Medic? We need a medic... [ the joke dies on his lips, meeting bruce's gaze across the room. god is he a sight for sore eyes. ]

II. ( tony + steve + bruce + pepper )

[ once tony and steve are cleaned up and back in their street clothes, they may as well get ready for the q&a that's coming. there are a lot of things he's still not willing to discuss - peggy and her husband; his father; bucky... but neither of them are going to get a choice. he loves pepper and bruce with all (both) his heart(s) but this is some heavy shit, so instead he just blurts out the first thing that comes to his mind.

it's also the dumbest. ] Widow will be happy you finally got yourself a date, huh, Cap? [ he nudges the other man's shoulder and looks to everyone else, sorry. that's the best he's got. ]

III. ( tony + steve )

[ tony wanders out to the living room, finding steve out on the couch where he'd left him. he knows just by the unsteady rise and fall of his chest that he's not sleeping. how could either of them after that? without saying a word, he slots his slighter frame in next to him, carefully avoiding both of their injuries and pulling out his phone. ]

I wasn't kidding about that like page, you know. [ he shows cap the facebook fan page that allegedly phil set up. it has a much more flattering image than the twitter. also 14 million something likes. ] You have almost as many fans as me.

[ he's not even being cheeky (much), he has over 19 million. ]

IV. ( tony + pepper )

[ pepper's not up yet and tony hasn't slept yet, which really, if it weren't so commonplace by now might be more traumatic. as it is, he eyes her heels at the base of the bed; she had fallen asleep in her clothes. poor pepper, he'd probably exhausted her and worried her sick with all of this. again, par for their course, but still.

before he can talk himself out of it, he sits on a corner of the bed and goes about trying to get his feet into her shoes. she would totally kill him if she woke up right now, but as they'd established that day they went to the park, it was really hard being short. ] What does she have, elf feet...?

[ he asks the open air, wobbling to his feet and immediately falling to the ground. this wasn't his best laid plan by far. he's just going to lay here for a while. this carpet is soft and his entire body is a bruise. ]

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[ his face is the picture of perfect innocence. messing with cap? never. especially not when he's in the kid role, gosh. ]

I could help you. With the tech side, you really don't wanna see me draw. [ it's gentle. not forceful, just an offer. pepper had taught him a long time ago that being nostalgic could be a good thing. he had already told steve the most dramatic evidence of that particular realization. so if steve wants to stick to pencils and paper, he won't push. ] Did you... do this a lot?

[ you and bucky. you and that guy who tried to kill us yesterday. it's hard to mask his expression so he doesn't really try. ]

I'll put on the list. It's worth trying if nothing else. [Steve nods slowly and very carefully goes back to using names in spite of how painful it may be.]

We did. The Barnes... they were good people. Mrs. Barnes would insist on having me come over when she knew my mom was at the hospital. We'd make one of these these and if I was too tired to make the trip back, we'd just sleep in it. Mr. Barnes would go get Mom to make sure she made it here or home safe depending on how tired she was.

[ he swallows, moving to sit cross-legged for easier listening. bucky was a good guy, he had had cool parents. tony finds himself nodding along with the story, as melancholy as it is. ]

You were lucky to have them. [ like he would've been if he had had peggy and steve. if everything was different. ]

[Steve remains laying on the ground. He's too tired to staying sitting for long, but not enough to sleep. He looks fairly trapped in the memories this brings up.] I was... We were. Things got better once they found out what it was like for us. Mr. Barnes was a big guy. No one wanted to mess with him so they kind of had to treat us better.

[ tony reaches out to touch steve's hair, fingers vaguely playing through it before falling away again. ]

So you guys were basically brothers. [ he never would have understood the familial connection if he hadn't forged this one with steve already. ]

[Steve nods again. He doesn't mind the little gesture in the slightest though it's a reminder he really needs to get around to cutting it.] We were. Still are.

[The attempts on his life aren't being counted against Bucky. He knows it's not him; that would never be his choice. Steve has a lifetime of memories to put any doubt to rest.] They took me in after my mother passed away which is a nice way of saying they bullied me into it not unlike someone else I know.

[He smiles fondly at Tony at that.] I always did try to do everything alone.

[ even if he never knew about bucky and certainly had (obviously) never met him until today, it's an honor to be compared to him. the man; the soldier. not that shell of a broken human being who also murdered his parents. tony looks down at his shoes and can't keep the frown off his face, even as it intensifies into more of a scowl. ]

I'm not a total sociopath. Just - mostly. [ he looks up in time to catch that smile, though he can't understand it. sometimes he feels like he's just missing so much of human interaction and it frustrates him at times like this. makes him feel lacking. ] Though it's pretty selfish, too. Like I said: dishes.

[ which is really code for everything steve does for him. his gaze is more than a little prickly even as his expressions evens out some. ]

[Steve looks troubled in response to that. He's not sure he gets it.] Is that really how you see yourself or-?

[Is he kidding? Steve knows he takes things a little too seriously at times. He can't know if it's the serum adding to that intensity or he's always been this way since there's no one left to accurately judge the difference anymore. Both Peggy and Bucky are too compromised.]

[ he tilts his head, almost like he doesn't understand what steve is saying for a moment. ] Nah.

Maybe a little. [ tony wrinkles up his nose, looking up at the blanket closing them in. is it keeping the world out? is it protecting them? is that why children do this? or do they just want to hide from the adults and real life. it's probably some combination of both. ]

[Steve keeps his eyes trained on him. The concern present in them is hard to miss.] I don't see you that way for whatever that's worth.

I didn't-- I wasn't, like. This isn't a fishing expedition, dude. [ he finally gets out, though he curls into himself a little more, drawing his knees up into his chest. ]

Stop saying nice things to me, it's annoying. [ he sounds serious, even if he is pouting a little. ]

[Steve doesn't take him all that seriously or at least doesn't appear to. Instead he knocks his foot against Tony's side.] Fine. You're pushy and your hair sticks up in the morning. Is that what you wanted to hear? Because I can keep going. I haven't even mentioned the part where you drool yet.

[ he looks put upon, but that's kind of his regular look so it's not that noticable. ] No, please, go on. I'm sure you've been waiting for this.

[He keeps going without missing a beat.] You're an egomaniac. You hang out with complete weirdos with the exception of Pepper and Colonel Rhodes. Since I'm one of them I guess I can't be too hard on you.

[He grins at that part. Cheer up. He's supposed to be the depressing one.]

Oh, come on... you're the weirdest one of all. [ he smiles sweetly at that, nudging steve back with his foot and folding his arms across his chest. ] Sorry I took your sad-spotlight there, chief. This is me restoring it.

Good because the only one around here allowed to be hard on himself is me. I won't allow competition.

[He hesitates a beat before pressing into the real subject.] Not to poke a sore spot or anything, but I don't get where that came from. Sociopaths... they don't feel anything right? Or care about others? Doesn't really fit you.

[ he opens his mouth to argue -- because everything's a competition. he'd even said as much to pepper last night. who says stuff like that unironically? tony friggin' stark that's who. on a certain level of course he knows steve is right. he loves pepper, rhodey, bruce, steve. is coming to be attached to some others. but so much of it he just doesn't get. because howard never showed him, sure. but a part of him thinks it was missing even before that; that he'd never had all of his humanity to even start with. ] Genetics are a bitch, that's all I'm saying.

Maybe "social retard" is a better assessment.

[Steve's brows knit together as he works it out. It doesn't take too long to fit the pieces together and come up with a reply. This actually makes sense to him. It's something he noticed, but never quite thought of in biological terms. He always thought Tony picked up the similarities he's noted through watching Howard.]

Howard never really got people. Machines always made more sense to him. He put on a good show for the crowds, but he didn't fool me or Peggy with that routine.

[He frowns.] Is that a thing now? People are literally born to behave like their parents?

Maybe it is. [ he grumbles, but he's not upset with steve, even if he's getting wacky with these questions already. tony turns away, but goes on. ] You've googled me, you know I'm just like him out there.

[ but in here was another story, at least. he thought so. and he'd already questioned steve extensively about that to make sure that yes, he had strayed far enough from his father to actually be his own man. will wonders never cease. ]

But this isn't about him. Not really. I mean, sure, maybe I would've been better adjusted if he didn't resent everything I ever did, or like I don't know, even the fact that I existed. [ everything's twisted. he doesn't like the uncertainty of it.

suddenly his head pops back up, eyes scanning steve's face. ] I knew everything I needed to know. I thought I did. It was enough to just - hate him. But shit's too complicated for that now.

It is. [Steve sighs gently. It tears him up inside to think that Howard didn't appreciate one of the unquestionably good things he did; that he might have actually resented Tony on some level. It's not even the fact it's fundamentally wrong for a parent to behave as he did or that Howard got the things Steve wanted so desperately and was careless with them. He's grown to love Tony. It's difficult to accept that someone can't see the things that he does and treasure them equally.]

I want to hate him and Peggy for failing you, letting Zola live, and compromising the ways that they did. When I think about what they went through, that they'll never get a chance to redeem themselves for any of it, I can't. It's just sad at the end of the day. I know they meant well, but...

[He smiles half-heartedly. They screwed it all up.] I guess we got a pretty thorough lesson on how not to handle ourselves in the future.

[ I want to hate him for failing you. he's actually staring, mouth going slack in shock for a second. tony swallows, he knows one thing for sure. ] I don't want you to hate him. Or want to hate him.

[ and he can't say anything bad about peggy. even if she did abandon him and fuck up the zola thing. she's still alive but somehow speaking ill of an old lady with dementia is actually more soulless than speaking ill of the dead. ] But yeah, I guess we did. Talk about an after school special.

[Steve doesn't respond Tony's reaction. There isn't anything to say. Howard and Peggy's actions deeply hurt him. He can't pretend like if they weren't alive and whole that he wouldn't be screaming his head off at them for all of this. It's all moot anyways.

He does nod at the rest of it, looking a little more exhausted and lost than before.] Tell me about it. I wish I had a clue how we're getting out of this one.

[ he leans forward, grabbing steve's thigh and shaking it. he needs to get them both out of this fucking mopey bullshit headspace. ]

I know we're in a goddamn pillow fort but come on. We're not dead yet. Screw them, they fucked up. We didn't. We got this.

And Pepper's gonna be our ace in the hole. [ he lets go and holds up a finger. he sounds confident because if he doesn't believe it they really are dead. ]

[That earns an honest laugh out of Steve. He's still happy he's getting his way on this one.] Good point. She's much smarter than us so this has to work.

[He knocks his foot into Tony again.] Don't insult the pillow fort.

[ the smug attitude from steve gets a sharp look, even if it isn't serious. ] I may be a genius, but next to Pepper Potts we all look like dumbasses.

[ it's the facts of life. ]

I engineered the fort, I'm not insulting it! It's a part of me now. [ he slaps his hand against his chest indicatively. ]

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