There will always be another time for us to fall in love /

[relicta]

This is it -- the house of cards she constructed come tumbling down. She knew it would happen, really she did, but somehow she'd convinced herself it wouldn't be for a long time. That they had all the time in the world to just play house. This is her fault and she's letting Tony take the rap for it. She's always been a coward when it came to feelings, but she can't imagine how Steve must be feeling now.

She watches him go by in a blur of color, and she makes her choice, following him into the room though she stops herself at the doorway. She's probably the last person he wants to see, but they had become connected so long ago it would be impossible for her to turn her back on him now.

"I feel like Mom and Dad are fighting," she jokes ineffectually, her face falling even as she moves to sit on the edge of his bed, green eyes watching him like a hawk for any tiny move he makes.

Comments

[inthecold]

She isn't unwelcome. Steve doesn't blame anyone, but himself for the fighting. He planned this out poorly because he only factored in himself. He was ready to face Bucky. It never occurred to him to ask if they were. As a result things got bad in there.

He hates himself for being so blind to everyone else's reality. Mostly he's scared. As hard as he tries, Steve can't hide it. There's a faint tremble passing through his body as he lays down in bed.

"I thought he was someone else; that I was somewhere else." He explains as he closes his eyes. There's shame to go with his fear and self-loathing. It took so little to set him off again. Now Steve feels trapped in his own body again with hands grabbing at him and forcing compliance. It's stupid, isn't it? He knows that wouldn't happen here. It's not real, but his body isn't so easily convinced.

[relicta]

Natasha is glad she didn't make it worse by coming in here, and she folds her legs to signify she isn't going anywhere. The way he trembles breaks her heart, wanting to reach out for him but stopping short. She should probably draw a line somewhere, sometime. There's only so much human trash one person can be, from her perspective, and she's maxed out.

"I know what you mean," she admits, remembering how it had been for her when Clint had helped her deprogram -- having freedom feeling like the worst and most sinister cage yet. She swallows, grimacing when Bucky gets louder. "...He should be yelling at me." She knows this is breaking Tony's heart even if he's too quiet to be heard down the hall. At least by her; she knows Steve can pick up every word.

[inthecold]

The reminder she's been where he has is always a welcome relief. Steve almost asks for her advice before the conversation filters in. He hates that he can't bring himself to move right now. Tony shouldn't have to take this kind of heat. He did him a great kindness. Why can't Bucky see that?

"He shouldn't be yelling at anyone. This was my choice. I wanted to go back to him as a person." He knows he isn't whole yet and may never be. He feels more like himself. He thought that was enough, but now he can't be sure.

[relicta]

"It was..." And it wasn't. Nat sighs, setting a hand on his knee when she finally gets over herself. "But we were a team." A team made up of broken trust and empty promises. She shakes her head. Tony's right -- that part she overhears. Bucky would have done the same exact thing she did. Maybe he would have been more justified in doing so, but it's impossible to really say.

"You've been a person for a long time," she says after a long pause. He's come so far since being practically catatonic while she fed him potato water and tried to pass it off as soup. He's healing, he's doing so much better than she ever thought possible. Bucky will come around, he won't be able to help it when it comes to Steve. Or at least, that's what she's been banking on this whole time.

[inthecold]

The contact does a lot to bring him back to the present. His eyes open to tentatively reach hers. It's not easy to focus on her, the yelling, and his own demons at the same time. He does his best since he knows filtering any of those out isn't an option. He'll have to get up if Bucky takes it too far.

For now Steve concedes her point. "I wanted to be stronger. I want to stop seeing and feeling things... Like right now. I didn't want him to see me like that."

[relicta]

"He's just happy to see you at all," Nat reminds him, dipping her head to catch his eyes. "He's happy you're alive." She rubs over his knee and smiles softly, knowing in her heart she's made a mistake.

[inthecold]

The touch is soothing. It helps him to better consider what she's saying and he finds himself agreeing with her despite his low appraisal of himself. "I'd be happy if I were in his shoes." He goes quiet as he works up the nerve to ask something. He knows they're no longer in secluded, but he still wants, needs, contact with her even knowing they have others to factor in now.

"Can you hold me? Just for a little while."

[relicta]

She wasn't sure how welcome touch would be when she came in here, but hearing his ask couldn't push her into action any quicker. Natasha stretches out next to him and opens her arms, immediately enveloping him when he moves in. "Sounds like things are calming down out there," she observes aloud. Bucky and Tony never could sustain a fight for long. One of them would usually leave though, so it's a good sign that they're both still here. Natasha entangles their legs and combs a hand back through his hair, drawing as much comfort from their closeness as he is, easily.

[inthecold]

Steve settles in against her, head resting against her neck. "They made up. Bucky never stays mad." He informs her. He doubts that's changed no matter how long they've been apart. He sighs against her skin and soaks up the comfort for all it's worth. There is something bothering him though. Maybe it's not his place to ask, but he can't help himself.

"Tony has children?"

[relicta]

"Neither does Tony," she points out, her other hand rubbing over his shoulderand upper back in soothing circles.

Nat frowns at the question, only picking up a word here or there of the conversation happening down the hall. But she can guess what they're talking about pretty easily. A sharp spike of guilt goes through her middle at that, knowing she should be at HQ to help. She shakes her head, realizing she's gone quiet too long.

"Not... exactly." Natasha huffs a tiny sigh. "It's a long story. But they're talking about the team." The new team. The one she doesn't in any way feel part of.

[inthecold]

He nods in agreement. Steve doesn't have any basis for comparison when it comes to Tony. He's always gotten along with him as well as a brainwashed person with little social skills can. Of course he doesn't realize the obvious reason why. He doesn't know that Tony idolizes him or rather who he is used to be. He thinks Tony is naturally so agreeable for better or worse.

"You've got new team members; kids." There's no judgment in his voice. He just wants to understand what's going on.

[relicta]

"They're not..." Kids. Except they are, in every way that counts. Nat's arm tightens around him a little, her fingers gripping gently in the short hairs at the base of his neck. She's going to try to break this down into the smallest pieces she can manage for him. "Tony's company. Where you are right now: Stark Industries. They used to make weapons. Big ones. They got into the hands of some bad guys. When he found that out, he put a stop to it. But there are still remnants all over the world. Like where we were fighting, Sokovia, like I told you. The girl... Wanda, she's from there. She blamed Tony for what happened to her parents. Her and her twin brother. He... died in the battle."

Natasha swallows, pressing her cheek against his so he can't see her face. "And Vision. He's -- I don't know. An Android, I guess. Tony and Bruce put him together with artificial intelligence, JARVIS. The guy who used to run this place." In two different eras. "And... an infinity stone." She knows he won't like that part.

[inthecold]

He listens carefully to everything she's saying. As much as he's cocooned himself safely in this tower, it doesn't make him indifferent to what's happened outside of it. His heart hurts to hear about what happened with Tony and the twins. It fills with fear once he realizes what Vision is.

"It only brought death and suffering." He reminds her. He doesn't know if that could change with Vision. He hopes so for everyone's sake.

[relicta]

"I know," she agrees, swallowing dryly. She hadn't been a fan of the idea though she'd stayed quiet on the matter. As she always does. Natasha shakes her head to clear the memory. "It was the only thing that could defeat him. Ultron." Her voice goes out a little over his name, like just saying it will manifest him somehow.

[inthecold]

He knows the stakes so he doesn't question it. If Natalia says it's the only way, it must have been. He can't help being afraid for them all the same. He won't let his fear stop him from being optimistic for their sakes.

"I'm glad Bucky is looking after him. He's always been pretty good at steering people in the right direction." Maybe it won't be all fire and death this go around.

[relicta]

"He's a good egg," Nat agrees, kissing the side of Steve's face absently, and pushing some longer hair over his ear. But just as he says it the music comes over the loudspeaker and her heart leaps up into her throat. "Hand me my phone," she commands quietly, sitting up and holding her hand out. She usually wouldn't order him around, but if Bucky thinks he can get past her with a little music he's got another thing coming. She gets to work hacking FRIDAY the second it's in her hand, downloading the audio files being recorded real-time and cleaning out the background noise.

"Maybe I spoke too soon," she says, shaking her head. When will they all learn that they can't solve their trust issues by piling more on?

[inthecold]

He doesn't hesitate to do what she asks. Steve rolls away from her, pulling the phone out of its resting place, and handing it over to her. It makes him vaguely sick to do so, but he dismisses it quickly. Steve isn't an idiot. He knows something is up with the sudden music. Bucky is trying to hide something and that never ends well for anyone.

"He's trying to protect me." Steve responds grimly. He moves in close despite it being largely unnecessary. He can hear it clearly. Being near Nat makes him feel a little better about already causing Bucky problems.

[relicta]

Nat leans against Steve easily, as ever greedily soaking up contact where offered. Any thing she can do to comfort them both is given freely. "Wow, Tony," she murmurs, thinking he's going along with Bucky for a moment. That they're going on this suicide mission alone-- but no. He shuts him down. Her expression morphs, biting into her lip. Tony has come such a long way since Fury first sent her here to spy on him. He's left her in the dust long ago with his progress, really. It's never been more apparent than now.

Her eyes light on his suddenly, shutting the phone off when the music stops. "Are you ready to be an Avenger?" One corner of her mouth twitches upwards. This is what she's wanted for him since the beginning. She hopes it's what he wants, too.

[inthecold]

At first he's so disappointed in Tony that is going along with this that he could scream. The man pulls through in the end. Steve is visibly relieved. He never could stand secrets.

His relief is shortly lived at the question. Steve doesn't break eye contact though which should already tell her what she needs to know. He's scared. He always be on some level of what could happen to them if he rejoined the world. He's also ready to overcome his fears and move forward thanks to her and Tony.

"I think I need to be ready so I will be." He'll assemble with them. Come what may.

[relicta]

Natasha's hand runs down his arm until it finds his, curling their fingers together and looking deep into his eyes. "You are ready, Steve. You have been for a while." He's been holding himself back for ages, something that had steadily been breaking her heart every time she went to see him. Now that he's here -- in New York. In the real world. And Tony is setting a path for him back to who he once was? There's no limit to the things he could do. "I'll be right here next to you." Which is going to get complicated when Bruce eventually comes back, he always does. But she'll deal with that when she has to.

[inthecold]

He tries to believe what she's saying. Despite his low self-esteem, he knows there's some truth to this. Steve knows he's been getting steadily stronger for a while now. Maybe it will be enough out there, maybe not. It means everything that going out doesn't mean losing her.

Steve has no words to thank her properly for it. He opts instead to close eyes, lean in further, and kiss her. He hopes it's enough to convey his gratitude.

[relicta]

If anything, Steve going outside should mean her losing him. There's no way she can be enough once there's a real choice, but she fully intends to take advantage of what she has while she has it. Her free hand comes up to cup his face, shutting her eyes too and smashing her lips back against hers. It's imprecise and messy -- but so are they. She only pulls away when she absolutely has to, her breast heaving as her lungs try desperately to play catch up; and resting her forehead against his while they do so. "...Should we go out there?" It seems like it's getting pretty intense again, and if Steve can be brave so can she, as much as she really isn't looking forward to her own lecture from Bucky.

[inthecold]

He doesn't need air as desperately as she does, but parts all the same on her cue. Steve runs his tongue over his bottom lip as he catches his breath. He nods in agreement against her forehead. They need to make sure there's no more argument about what's to follow now.

"It's time." Very reluctantly he pulls away from her to stand up and head back to join the other two men. He's ready to do what he has to.