I love you so much I'm gonna let you kill me ●

[relicta]

She can't keep the smirk off her face as Steve gets into the passenger's seat, like so many times before. Except this isn't like any times before, because this a real undercover mission. One she isn't completely sure he's ready for, or more to the point one he isn't sure he's ready for so she'll have to do a lot of validating him. Which isn't exactly her strong suit, as they'd found over the course of working together and admittedly growing much closer than she ever could have anticipated.

"I'm surprised Stark is letting you go for a whole month." But she sure isn't disappointed. Out of all the people she could be (and had been) fake married to? This might not be such a challenge to sell. Not that she's reading into that any, why bother.

Comments

[valuedstrength]

"Fair enough." Steve concedes with a laugh. He sobers up to give her a necessary truth. "I have trouble sleeping alone. Tony usually helps with that. I'm not sure how it will be sleeping in a place without him." Even if Tony sleeps with Pepper, it's not like all traces of him are gone. That's usually enough to compensate. But, now? Well he'll let her get the co-dependent jokes out of the way now.

[relicta]

He needs to stop bringing this down. Especially when it makes her feel... bad for making fun of him in the past. "...Can I help?" she asks after a long pause, trying to keep her voice as neutral as possible even while her knuckles turn white on the wheel.

[valuedstrength]

"Contact helps. Reminds me where I am." Which sounds more serious than it needs to be. He tacks on quickly, "It wouldn't have to be anything intimate. You could probably just hold my hand or something." He forces a smile. "Should have mentioned this before I accepted, huh? I didn't mean to put this on you."

[relicta]

"Shut up," she urges, unable to take any more well-meant sincerity. Natasha offers him up a quirk of a smile that's gone as quick as it had come. "But it could be? Intimate?" So sue her, she likes it when he blushes.

[valuedstrength]

His ears actually turn red this time. Steve glares at her without as much heat as he'd like. "Well we are married. If you want to kiss me to make it better..." He shrugs innocently. "Just a suggestion, beloved."

[relicta]

"Don't suggest unless you intend to carry through." Her eyes twinkle as she fixes him with a look as sharp as razor blades. She's turning off towards the next exit ramp. They need gas and she wants a slurpy.

[valuedstrength]

Steve swallows as he meets her eyes. That was a little intimidating even for Natasha. He glances back out the window uncertainly. Now isn't the time to get into a long conversation about it when they're due to stop any minute now.

"Sorry."

[relicta]

She frowns, failing to make the connection. "...For what?"

[valuedstrength]

He shrugs uncomfortably. Don't make him actually say it!!! "Sorry for the crummy joke. That's all." He scrambles to change the subject. "Think we should get some snacks?"

[relicta]

"You don't expect me to apologize for those too, do you?" Because they'd be here a long time if so. She nods vigorously at snacks though. That's something they can always agree on. "You read my mind, soul mate."

[valuedstrength]

"Even I won't live that long." He points out with a laugh. "How about those little cinnamon cakes? I'm starting to like those."

[relicta]

"And hot fries." She's the queen of gas station snacks don't even try to get one over on her right now son. "And slim jims. I want Reese's..." She pulls up to a pump and gets out, gesturing to him vaguely.

"Pumpkin, will you do this for me while I get our snacks? I would hate to chip a nail." She calls it loudly so the other people are sure to hear, making her way into the store before waiting for his answer.

[valuedstrength]

"Whatever you want, beloved." Steve shouts at her back. He gets to paying with the card SHIELD gave him and pumping. This is truly an exciting use of his time. Clearly he should always play the whipped husband.

[relicta]

She blows him a kiss before turning around and disappearing into the store. When she returns he's already done and had pulled the car up to the door like a true gentleman. Natasha finds herself oddly touched by the gesture, and oddly also finds that it doesn't even bother her that he took the liberty of driving her car without asking. Also without comment, she climbs into the passenger seat and shows him her many bags of loot. They are set for life. Nat pulls out a wrapped cake for him and sets it on his thigh, opening the bag of hot fries for herself as she buckles in. "We don't have all day, husband-mine." She flashes him a smile and starts to dig in.

[valuedstrength]

He smiles wide at her. Steve can't help feeling like their two kids at the start of an adventure. It almost reminds him of the old days back in Brooklyn. Almost.

"Just thinking of your safety, sweetheart." Once Natasha is safely buckled in, he resumes the journey. He pulls out of the gas station and heads back on the road. Steve can't resist shooting a couple of fond glances her way before picking up his cake. He rips it open with his teeth and takes to munching down on it as he drives. This is probably the perfect moment. Steve doesn't want to spoil it by trying to fill the comfortable silence.

[relicta]

He seems so... happy. It fills her chest with warmth, smiling at him easily while she licks her fingers free of spices. Natasha can't exactly complain about their predicament either, though she thought Steve would be more resistant for some reason. Maybe she's just projecting.

[valuedstrength]

It isn't until Steve has finished his snack cake that he speaks again. He loves the sound of the road, but hey this is a road trip. It is missing something vital.

(Maybe he can't pass up the chance to pick a fight either.)

"Alright here's the real test of our marriage. What do we play on the radio?"

[relicta]

She puts down the hot fries, wiping her hands on her pants as she goes for the CD vault at her feet. Natasha begins to flip through idly, with a few pauses on things she ultimately knows they won't agree on, either way.

"I'll let you pick because you're driving... but no 'We didn't start the fire.'" Natasha shoots him a warning look and follows it up with expectation. He knows her collection by heart, and he's even contributed a few to the pile.

[valuedstrength]

He picks the one he thinks is her favorite. It seems like the best moving for a loving husband to make. The rest of the ride is uneventful save for the fact that he seems happy all the while. Steve should have known it wouldn't last. There's just too much going on inside his head. He's gotten too used to Tony Stark being the person to chase it all away.

He wakes up in a cold sweat, disoriented and weak. He starts stumbling out of the covers to head towards the bathroom like his life depends on it. All he knows is that he's freezing. Warmth is a necessity unless he wants to fall back into the dark again.

[relicta]

He's close enough on the music and she jams out quietly and eats her snacks and shoots him looks that could mean anything. Natasha honestly likes that she doesn't have to fill their silences. It makes Steve the easiest of her real friends to just be with, and that's important for someone who constantly has to monitor herself.

Their little house is quaint and quiet and it's hard for her to sleep until the dog leaps up to lay across the foot of the bed. She drifts off soon after that, curled in on herself slightly and facing away from Steve. Between the warmth of the mutt and the heat Steve's body is throwing off she's out in seconds, and has a blissfully dreamless night. Not that she's all that prone to nightmares herself. At most, she'd have a disturbing memory surface now and again that she couldn't shake, but it was nothing like this.

She's awake the instant he shifts, always mapping movement around her even unconscious. Her finger rolls out to touch her wedding ring and she sighs, waiting until he is out of the room to sit up. The dog is long gone, laying by the door after Steve so rudely woke her. Slowly, Nat pushes the blankets aside and clambers out of bed herself, following Steve to the bathroom since he left the door open. Her hand grips the doorframe lightly as she offers him a sleepy gaze full of empathy and understanding, expression easier to read than usual so early in the morning (or was it still considered late at night?)

"Hey," she offers noncommittally, putting the ball in his court. If he asked her to leave him alone, she would, but she'd rather see if she could at least help somehow. Even if it were something as simple as providing a distraction. She's good at those...

[valuedstrength]

She'll find him at the sink tentatively putting his hands under the water. He's never sure if it's in his head or a real thing, but he feels numb all the same so it really doesn't matter. Steve glances her way shyly when she addresses him. He knows he doesn't have to be embarrassed. They talked about this. The feeling still creeps into way into his chest regardless of that.

"Hey." He glances down at his hands for a brief second before moving to shut the water off. "Do you mind grabbing me some clothes? I'm gonna take a shower. Get warm."

[relicta]

The request starts her a bit, though she edges in a little closer. "What, I'm not warm enough for you, sweetie?" It's probably not the right time to joke, but maybe it will break up some tension. Worth a shot. Her fingers brush his bicep, ice cold, nodding to him in the mirror. "Sure, I'll be right back. You get started without me." Natasha offers up a wink as she turns to leave him.

[valuedstrength]

Steve smiles weakly at the joke. "Afraid not, darling." He heads for the shower once she turns to leave. He pulls his boxers off right in front of them, leaving them carelessly on the floor before stepping inside and pulling the curtain shut. The water turns on a moment later and he audibly gasps at the heat. It's a tough transition, but at least it's an improvement over freezing.

"Water's great, sweetie." He murmurs to himself as he shuts his eyes and just appreciates the heat seeping into his muscles. Much better.

[relicta]

She sighs softly when she's out of earshot, hearing his commentary over the water. This poor bastard, alone with her in a house while he's freaking out. Nat knows he'd rather have Tony now and she just barely staves off the urge to call the other man. It would jeopardize their whole mission, but maybe that's not exactly why she hesitates. Natasha hangs up a towel for him and finds some clean sweats in his bag for him to change into. Then she's padding down to the kitchen to make some hot chocolate. She has no idea if that's stupid or what, but it seems right for the time being.

Natasha comes back with everything and sits on the toilet to drink hers, blowing at the steaming hot surface. Between the beveling on the glass door and how hot he has the water, all she can see is steam and a blur of limbs. "Did you melt all your skin off yet?"

[valuedstrength]

It's a slow and steady process, but the searing heat eventually seeps into his limbs. Steve sighs in relief even as his skin visibly reddens. It's not a perfect solution, but he didn't going crying to Tony on night one. That's progress even if he knows there's no shame in leaning on a friend aside from the fact it'd definitely wreck the mission.

He's rinsing off the soap he quickly lathered on to justify this shower by the time Natasha comes back in. Despite all the steam the hint of milk and chocolate is in the air. His mouth waters reflexively. Some sugar would be nice right about now. "Hard to say. We don't have a mirror in here." Steve jokes weakly as he turns off the water. That's enough for one night.

He cracks the shower door just enough for his massive arm to fit through and reaches blindly for a towel. "Little help?"