I love you so much I'm gonna let you kill me ●

[relicta]

She can't keep the smirk off her face as Steve gets into the passenger's seat, like so many times before. Except this isn't like any times before, because this a real undercover mission. One she isn't completely sure he's ready for, or more to the point one he isn't sure he's ready for so she'll have to do a lot of validating him. Which isn't exactly her strong suit, as they'd found over the course of working together and admittedly growing much closer than she ever could have anticipated.

"I'm surprised Stark is letting you go for a whole month." But she sure isn't disappointed. Out of all the people she could be (and had been) fake married to? This might not be such a challenge to sell. Not that she's reading into that any, why bother.

Comments

[valuedstrength]

He snorts at her comment. Nevertheless he doesn't waste any time snuggling in close and closing his arms around her. It's different than what he's used to with Tony, but in a good way. The feel of Natasha pressed against him relieves the anxiety he's been feeling since he entered the bedroom knowing he'd be sleeping on his side of the bed. With Natasha anchoring him to the now, he feels safer.

"Doesn't mean you owe me anything." He breathes in the smell of her shampoo and sighs contently. "Goodnight, Nat."

[relicta]

Her hand gentles on his, squeezing her eyes shut and allowing his body to encapsulate her in comforting warmth. It's hard to enjoy however when he goes and says that. She knows his self esteem can be weak, and that he's still finding his way in this new world. Both are understandable, but that doesn't mean she likes it. Her heart is pounding hard, and it feels like there's a stone in her belly. Suddenly, Natasha turns around to face him, feeling as though she has to hold him too, if only for a moment. Her hand slides over his arm until both of hers find his waist and she curls into his chest, but though she's much smaller it doesn't feel that way, not really.

"I wouldn't do this because I owed you." It's very important to her that their relationship not be quid pro quo. That alone would break her heart. She presses her ear wholly against his chest this time, unabashedly listening for his heartbeat and wondering what she can discern from its pattern.

[valuedstrength]

He instantly feels better for it. This is what he had been missing before. Different or not, Steve still appreciates it; her follow up even more so. His heart races briefly before he impulsively, he presses a kiss against her hair. "I'm glad you're here with me. I couldn't do this without you." Maybe this time he really will have pleasant dreams. The thought settles the beat down to something more steady as he lets their combined warmth start to lull him to sleep.

[relicta]

She waits for his breathing to even out, carefully listening as Steve goes still. If she weren't a spy, if she weren't so accustomed to this work, she would have argued with him. Natasha doesn't want to keep him up for it as much as she's terrified of being relied on. Clint relied on her and look where that got him, but with Clint she knew he'd always get himself out of tight spots with or without her. Steve is another matter entirely. And while she feels Tony is infinitely more qualified to take care of him emotionally... well. She had compared herself to Tony Stark before, and the venn diagram overlapped in more places than she'd care to admit.

One of them was now person shaped, that's all. She pulls away from him enough to get comfortable once she's sure that her movement won't wake him, rolling onto her back though one hand remains around him. Impulsively, she takes his hand in hers and laces their fingers over her belly and surprisingly enough she follows him over the edge of sleep not too long after.

When she wakes, sun is creeping in through the blinds and everything seems much starker and realer than the night before. Her heart pounds but she knows how to stay perfectly still while her brain catches up to her senses. It's only Steve -- she's safe, she has to remind herself -- even while it's impossible not to be endeared to the way he's tucked himself against her side, chin slotted into her shoulder. Even in sleep, he thinks he's still 90 pounds. Natasha hopes he never loses that.

"I'm glad you're here with me." The words echo in her mind as he goes on sleeping peacefully. It feels like there's a fist around her heart even as she idly moves her free hand through the hair at the base of his neck. "I couldn't do this without you."

She sighs and softly utters the words she would never have spoken to him while they were both conscious. "Me, too." She'd come to need him just as much, a fact that was almost as terrifying as the opposite.

[valuedstrength]

It takes a couple of minutes for him to stir after that. Steve has felt warm and safe throughout the night. That ought to be clear enough given how he's forgotten himself and slotted in against Natasha like he did Bucky a thousand years ago. The fact that the scent is different and the bed is softer hasn't registered with him. He's at peace. If it weren't for the sun, he might have slept the day away curled into Natasha's side.

A puff of air and Steve's chin hitting her shoulder are the first greetings Natasha is going to get. His brain catches him up on what he needs shortly after. Only one actually has anything to do with the person he's sleeping beside. "Breakfast?" He's not opening his eyes until he gets a yes or no on that one.

[relicta]

She makes a small noise of discomfort at his chin hitting her shoulder, but doesn't make to move away. As much as she tries not to react to how ridiculously endearing he is, it simply isn't possibe. Natasha lets go of a low-toned chuckle before she can rein herself back in, ruffling his hair in retaliation. "Is that an offer or a suggestion?"

[valuedstrength]

He smiles against his shoulder as he makes a vain attempt to swat at her hand. Truly they are both children. "Both." Steve finally gives up on sleeping any longer and opens his eyes. Slowly, but surely he starts to sit up in bed.

"As the trophy husband, I volunteer to make pancakes."

[relicta]

"That's right, earn your keep." She only manages to keep a straight face for a second before she's laughing, nudging her foot against him to urge him to get up. "Do you take funny shape requests?" Nat asks seriously, slowly shifting upwards even if her body would prefer a bit more lazing around. She's all too used to ignoring that by now.

[valuedstrength]

"I do even when my spouse could be a little nicer." Steve gently accuses as he gets off the bed and onto his feet. "Just don't ask for robots. I've made enough robots to last me a lifetime."

[relicta]

She blinks up at him, an obvious look though there's zero menace behind it, especially with that signature crooked smile of hers taking over midway thru. "I want kitties. Hop-to." She blows him a kiss to soften the blow this time.

[valuedstrength]

Steve smiles playfully and offers up a salute. "Yes, ma'am. Anything for my queen." He runs off to get started before Natasha can throw something at him or whatever reaction she may prefer.

Despite all the playfulness, he is soon hard at work setting up the coffee machine, mixing ingredients, and heating up the pan. He is going to put together a wonderful breakfast worthy of a queen who appreciates kitty pancakes.

[relicta]

Natasha takes the time to take a long shower and get dressed in sweats, more towards gym sweats than sleeping sweats this time, her hair drawn off her nape in a low, sporty ponytail by the time she comes downstairs. She hadn't bothered with makeup or anything like that, just simple creature comforts for a person who really isn't used to sharing space like this, not anymore; not even for a con. She brushes behind him as he works in greeting, pressing a hand to the back of his elbow on her way to find a cup and pour herself a cup of coffee. She adds a dash of cream more to cool it down than for flavor and takes a seat to get out of his way.

"If I had a mother she'd probably be telling me never to leave you right about now."

[valuedstrength]

He smiles at the greeting even if she doesn't see it. The 'If I had a mother' statement reminds him how little he does know about her. Sometimes he thinks she must have come out of thin air given how mysterious her origins are. He answers a beat late, joking with her casually as he cooks.

"Can I quote you on that in the future? It's a great endorsement."

[relicta]

Sometimes she too feels like she came out of thin air so really, it's not far off. She snorts and gives him an incredulous look -- something he's very used to seeing on her face by now. Natasha might use it even more around Steve than she does with Clint and that's truly saying something.

"I guess, but only because that one's awkward coming from 'Anonymous.'" Nat takes a sip and shakes her head to punctuate.

[valuedstrength]

"I appreciate you helping my street cred." Steve continues. Who even taught him to say that? Probably Clint. Steve glances up from his latest kitty to hit her with a silly smile. "So ready to rate what I've made so far or do I get the final verdict after you've eaten it?"

[relicta]

"I wouldn't go that far," she warns, but waves her hand for him to show Nat his work. "We can score as we go along." See, she's not mean all the time. Just most of it.

[valuedstrength]

Some people might worry they are creating a monster by catering to someone like this. The thought never even crosses Steve's mind. He just immediately presents her with his growing stack of kittens.

"Now the first three are a little small which is why I named them Tony 1, 2, and 3. After that, I think you'll be satisfied with the size and shape of my cats."

[relicta]

She sputters into hopeless giggles as he begins to list the criterium, and of course the names. "How apt," she manages biting into her lip to keep laughter from erupting anew. It's a little too silly for her to even handle right now, clearly. "Bring it on, Captain." She gestures to the empty space in front of her, which obviously needs to be filled with so many pancakes lbr.

[valuedstrength]

Steve smiles brightly. It feels good to be the source of that. She really doesn't laugh enough for his tastes. "Challenge accepted." He drops some of those kitties onto a plate.

"I've also sausages and scrambled eggs if you're into that kind of thing." He lifts a brow.

[relicta]

Natasha is, similarly, thinking about how attractive his smile is. He definitely doesn't do that enough. The look she gives him is a little dreamy as a result, though she could always blame the sausages. "You wouldn't really leave those out." It sounds almost like a threat, come on, hook a girl up.

[valuedstrength]

That look distracts him briefly before he shakes his head. Steve looks at her as if she's said something crazy. "And risk the wrath of my darling wife? No thanks." Sure enough the plate getting passed back to her is overflowing with goodies.

He moves to flip one of his last pancakes. "Enjoy."