penistower | I love you so much I'm gonna let you kill me ●

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I love you so much I'm gonna let you kill me ●

She can't keep the smirk off her face as Steve gets into the passenger's seat, like so many times before. Except this isn't like any times before, because this a real undercover mission. One she isn't completely sure he's ready for, or more to the point one he isn't sure he's ready for so she'll have to do a lot of validating him. Which isn't exactly her strong suit, as they'd found over the course of working together and admittedly growing much closer than she ever could have anticipated.

"I'm surprised Stark is letting you go for a whole month." But she sure isn't disappointed. Out of all the people she could be (and had been) fake married to? This might not be such a challenge to sell. Not that she's reading into that any, why bother.

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Steve smiles weakly at the joke. "Afraid not, darling." He heads for the shower once she turns to leave. He pulls his boxers off right in front of them, leaving them carelessly on the floor before stepping inside and pulling the curtain shut. The water turns on a moment later and he audibly gasps at the heat. It's a tough transition, but at least it's an improvement over freezing.

"Water's great, sweetie." He murmurs to himself as he shuts his eyes and just appreciates the heat seeping into his muscles. Much better.

She sighs softly when she's out of earshot, hearing his commentary over the water. This poor bastard, alone with her in a house while he's freaking out. Nat knows he'd rather have Tony now and she just barely staves off the urge to call the other man. It would jeopardize their whole mission, but maybe that's not exactly why she hesitates. Natasha hangs up a towel for him and finds some clean sweats in his bag for him to change into. Then she's padding down to the kitchen to make some hot chocolate. She has no idea if that's stupid or what, but it seems right for the time being.

Natasha comes back with everything and sits on the toilet to drink hers, blowing at the steaming hot surface. Between the beveling on the glass door and how hot he has the water, all she can see is steam and a blur of limbs. "Did you melt all your skin off yet?"

It's a slow and steady process, but the searing heat eventually seeps into his limbs. Steve sighs in relief even as his skin visibly reddens. It's not a perfect solution, but he didn't going crying to Tony on night one. That's progress even if he knows there's no shame in leaning on a friend aside from the fact it'd definitely wreck the mission.

He's rinsing off the soap he quickly lathered on to justify this shower by the time Natasha comes back in. Despite all the steam the hint of milk and chocolate is in the air. His mouth waters reflexively. Some sugar would be nice right about now. "Hard to say. We don't have a mirror in here." Steve jokes weakly as he turns off the water. That's enough for one night.

He cracks the shower door just enough for his massive arm to fit through and reaches blindly for a towel. "Little help?"

She smiles knowingly and sets her cup down to approach the door. Grabbing the towel down from where she'd hung it, Nat hands it over and allows the door to swing open in the process. Nakedness isn't something she's ever found reason to be embarrassed by, hers or anyone else's, but she's still human and can't help the way her gaze slips down. Her mouth goes a little dry even as she backs away, allowing him to make his own resurgence back into the room when he's ready. She retreats back to her perch, but never takes her eyes off him entirely. "Skin's still there," she chirps, crossing one leg over the other and taking a sip of her drink.

He can care less about nudity most of the time. The situation does give Steve slight pause before he dismisses it. They're supposed to be married. It's not like he ever cared if people saw him without clothing before. He lets out a soft scoff as he dries off carelessly. "Thanks. I was really starting to worry." He slips into the pajamas pants and goes to join her back in the room.

"Is that hot chocolate? It smells amazing."

"You said you were cold..." She doesn't know why she feels like she has to explain her actions, but she's shuffling after him and pressing the second cup into his hands. Her hand trails over his bicep on the way back and she smiles softly in the dimly lit room. God, he looks good. Natasha takes one look and forgets everything else she'd been about to say.

"I am. Was." He clarifies quickly. Steve takes a long drink and instantly feels a little better. Steve tentatively meets her gaze once he lowers the glass from his lips. "I appreciate this, Natasha. I really do." There's something. There always is with him. "May I ask you something? Other than that question." He's ahead on the quips for once.

She swallows past a dry patch in her throat and slowly bobs her head for yes. There isn't even the vaguest twitch of a smile on her part, and she folds one arm around her middle, still holding her cup aloft with the other hand. The reaction isn't for the cold, but rather because she suspects his question will be something personal -- something she isn't used to sharing. And yet she thinks she will share, and not just because it's Steve who wants to know but because she wants to tell him whatever it could be.

He hesitates a tense ten seconds before blurting it out. "Can I hold you?" Steve ducks his head in embarrassment. This is so unbelievably lame of him. He's had time to think it over in the shower. This is what will help him. "Tony always holds me. It's how I know I'm not... somewhere else. Would you be comfortable with that?"

The actual question has her blinking a few times, unchecked. If there was anything she could have expected, it wasn't that. And she's actually more comfortable with this than she could have been almost any other line of inquiry. Instead of answering right away, however, Nat sets her mug down on the bedside table and takes his out of his hand to place next to it. She then gestures for him to get in the bed first, serving up a smile she hopes is reassuring even if she knows it turns out wan. "I'm your wife," she reminds him, not hesitating to climb in after him. She turns away from him once she's close enough so Steve can spoon her comfortably. It's a near thing that she doesn't gasp at the feeling of his solid chest at her back and his arms winding around her. One slim hand grips his wrist as she turns her head so she can press her ear to his heart.

He snorts at her comment. Nevertheless he doesn't waste any time snuggling in close and closing his arms around her. It's different than what he's used to with Tony, but in a good way. The feel of Natasha pressed against him relieves the anxiety he's been feeling since he entered the bedroom knowing he'd be sleeping on his side of the bed. With Natasha anchoring him to the now, he feels safer.

"Doesn't mean you owe me anything." He breathes in the smell of her shampoo and sighs contently. "Goodnight, Nat."

Her hand gentles on his, squeezing her eyes shut and allowing his body to encapsulate her in comforting warmth. It's hard to enjoy however when he goes and says that. She knows his self esteem can be weak, and that he's still finding his way in this new world. Both are understandable, but that doesn't mean she likes it. Her heart is pounding hard, and it feels like there's a stone in her belly. Suddenly, Natasha turns around to face him, feeling as though she has to hold him too, if only for a moment. Her hand slides over his arm until both of hers find his waist and she curls into his chest, but though she's much smaller it doesn't feel that way, not really.

"I wouldn't do this because I owed you." It's very important to her that their relationship not be quid pro quo. That alone would break her heart. She presses her ear wholly against his chest this time, unabashedly listening for his heartbeat and wondering what she can discern from its pattern.

He instantly feels better for it. This is what he had been missing before. Different or not, Steve still appreciates it; her follow up even more so. His heart races briefly before he impulsively, he presses a kiss against her hair. "I'm glad you're here with me. I couldn't do this without you." Maybe this time he really will have pleasant dreams. The thought settles the beat down to something more steady as he lets their combined warmth start to lull him to sleep.

She waits for his breathing to even out, carefully listening as Steve goes still. If she weren't a spy, if she weren't so accustomed to this work, she would have argued with him. Natasha doesn't want to keep him up for it as much as she's terrified of being relied on. Clint relied on her and look where that got him, but with Clint she knew he'd always get himself out of tight spots with or without her. Steve is another matter entirely. And while she feels Tony is infinitely more qualified to take care of him emotionally... well. She had compared herself to Tony Stark before, and the venn diagram overlapped in more places than she'd care to admit.

One of them was now person shaped, that's all. She pulls away from him enough to get comfortable once she's sure that her movement won't wake him, rolling onto her back though one hand remains around him. Impulsively, she takes his hand in hers and laces their fingers over her belly and surprisingly enough she follows him over the edge of sleep not too long after.

When she wakes, sun is creeping in through the blinds and everything seems much starker and realer than the night before. Her heart pounds but she knows how to stay perfectly still while her brain catches up to her senses. It's only Steve -- she's safe, she has to remind herself -- even while it's impossible not to be endeared to the way he's tucked himself against her side, chin slotted into her shoulder. Even in sleep, he thinks he's still 90 pounds. Natasha hopes he never loses that.

"I'm glad you're here with me." The words echo in her mind as he goes on sleeping peacefully. It feels like there's a fist around her heart even as she idly moves her free hand through the hair at the base of his neck. "I couldn't do this without you."

She sighs and softly utters the words she would never have spoken to him while they were both conscious. "Me, too." She'd come to need him just as much, a fact that was almost as terrifying as the opposite.

It takes a couple of minutes for him to stir after that. Steve has felt warm and safe throughout the night. That ought to be clear enough given how he's forgotten himself and slotted in against Natasha like he did Bucky a thousand years ago. The fact that the scent is different and the bed is softer hasn't registered with him. He's at peace. If it weren't for the sun, he might have slept the day away curled into Natasha's side.

A puff of air and Steve's chin hitting her shoulder are the first greetings Natasha is going to get. His brain catches him up on what he needs shortly after. Only one actually has anything to do with the person he's sleeping beside. "Breakfast?" He's not opening his eyes until he gets a yes or no on that one.

She makes a small noise of discomfort at his chin hitting her shoulder, but doesn't make to move away. As much as she tries not to react to how ridiculously endearing he is, it simply isn't possibe. Natasha lets go of a low-toned chuckle before she can rein herself back in, ruffling his hair in retaliation. "Is that an offer or a suggestion?"

He smiles against his shoulder as he makes a vain attempt to swat at her hand. Truly they are both children. "Both." Steve finally gives up on sleeping any longer and opens his eyes. Slowly, but surely he starts to sit up in bed.

"As the trophy husband, I volunteer to make pancakes."

"That's right, earn your keep." She only manages to keep a straight face for a second before she's laughing, nudging her foot against him to urge him to get up. "Do you take funny shape requests?" Nat asks seriously, slowly shifting upwards even if her body would prefer a bit more lazing around. She's all too used to ignoring that by now.

"I do even when my spouse could be a little nicer." Steve gently accuses as he gets off the bed and onto his feet. "Just don't ask for robots. I've made enough robots to last me a lifetime."

She blinks up at him, an obvious look though there's zero menace behind it, especially with that signature crooked smile of hers taking over midway thru. "I want kitties. Hop-to." She blows him a kiss to soften the blow this time.

Steve smiles playfully and offers up a salute. "Yes, ma'am. Anything for my queen." He runs off to get started before Natasha can throw something at him or whatever reaction she may prefer.

Despite all the playfulness, he is soon hard at work setting up the coffee machine, mixing ingredients, and heating up the pan. He is going to put together a wonderful breakfast worthy of a queen who appreciates kitty pancakes.

Natasha takes the time to take a long shower and get dressed in sweats, more towards gym sweats than sleeping sweats this time, her hair drawn off her nape in a low, sporty ponytail by the time she comes downstairs. She hadn't bothered with makeup or anything like that, just simple creature comforts for a person who really isn't used to sharing space like this, not anymore; not even for a con. She brushes behind him as he works in greeting, pressing a hand to the back of his elbow on her way to find a cup and pour herself a cup of coffee. She adds a dash of cream more to cool it down than for flavor and takes a seat to get out of his way.

"If I had a mother she'd probably be telling me never to leave you right about now."

He smiles at the greeting even if she doesn't see it. The 'If I had a mother' statement reminds him how little he does know about her. Sometimes he thinks she must have come out of thin air given how mysterious her origins are. He answers a beat late, joking with her casually as he cooks.

"Can I quote you on that in the future? It's a great endorsement."

Sometimes she too feels like she came out of thin air so really, it's not far off. She snorts and gives him an incredulous look -- something he's very used to seeing on her face by now. Natasha might use it even more around Steve than she does with Clint and that's truly saying something.

"I guess, but only because that one's awkward coming from 'Anonymous.'" Nat takes a sip and shakes her head to punctuate.

"I appreciate you helping my street cred." Steve continues. Who even taught him to say that? Probably Clint. Steve glances up from his latest kitty to hit her with a silly smile. "So ready to rate what I've made so far or do I get the final verdict after you've eaten it?"

I love you so much I'm gonna let you kill me ●

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