penistower | I love you so much I'm gonna let you kill me ●

"Whatever you want, beloved." Steve shouts at her back. He gets to paying with the card SHIELD gave him and pumping. This is truly an exciting use of his time. Clearly he should always play the whipped husband.

She blows him a kiss before turning around and disappearing into the store. When she returns he's already done and had pulled the car up to the door like a true gentleman. Natasha finds herself oddly touched by the gesture, and oddly also finds that it doesn't even bother her that he took the liberty of driving her car without asking. Also without comment, she climbs into the passenger seat and shows him her many bags of loot. They are set for life. Nat pulls out a wrapped cake for him and sets it on his thigh, opening the bag of hot fries for herself as she buckles in. "We don't have all day, husband-mine." She flashes him a smile and starts to dig in.

He smiles wide at her. Steve can't help feeling like their two kids at the start of an adventure. It almost reminds him of the old days back in Brooklyn. Almost.

"Just thinking of your safety, sweetheart." Once Natasha is safely buckled in, he resumes the journey. He pulls out of the gas station and heads back on the road. Steve can't resist shooting a couple of fond glances her way before picking up his cake. He rips it open with his teeth and takes to munching down on it as he drives. This is probably the perfect moment. Steve doesn't want to spoil it by trying to fill the comfortable silence.

He seems so... happy. It fills her chest with warmth, smiling at him easily while she licks her fingers free of spices. Natasha can't exactly complain about their predicament either, though she thought Steve would be more resistant for some reason. Maybe she's just projecting.

It isn't until Steve has finished his snack cake that he speaks again. He loves the sound of the road, but hey this is a road trip. It is missing something vital.

(Maybe he can't pass up the chance to pick a fight either.)

"Alright here's the real test of our marriage. What do we play on the radio?"

She puts down the hot fries, wiping her hands on her pants as she goes for the CD vault at her feet. Natasha begins to flip through idly, with a few pauses on things she ultimately knows they won't agree on, either way.

"I'll let you pick because you're driving... but no 'We didn't start the fire.'" Natasha shoots him a warning look and follows it up with expectation. He knows her collection by heart, and he's even contributed a few to the pile.

He picks the one he thinks is her favorite. It seems like the best moving for a loving husband to make. The rest of the ride is uneventful save for the fact that he seems happy all the while. Steve should have known it wouldn't last. There's just too much going on inside his head. He's gotten too used to Tony Stark being the person to chase it all away.

He wakes up in a cold sweat, disoriented and weak. He starts stumbling out of the covers to head towards the bathroom like his life depends on it. All he knows is that he's freezing. Warmth is a necessity unless he wants to fall back into the dark again.

He's close enough on the music and she jams out quietly and eats her snacks and shoots him looks that could mean anything. Natasha honestly likes that she doesn't have to fill their silences. It makes Steve the easiest of her real friends to just be with, and that's important for someone who constantly has to monitor herself.

Their little house is quaint and quiet and it's hard for her to sleep until the dog leaps up to lay across the foot of the bed. She drifts off soon after that, curled in on herself slightly and facing away from Steve. Between the warmth of the mutt and the heat Steve's body is throwing off she's out in seconds, and has a blissfully dreamless night. Not that she's all that prone to nightmares herself. At most, she'd have a disturbing memory surface now and again that she couldn't shake, but it was nothing like this.

She's awake the instant he shifts, always mapping movement around her even unconscious. Her finger rolls out to touch her wedding ring and she sighs, waiting until he is out of the room to sit up. The dog is long gone, laying by the door after Steve so rudely woke her. Slowly, Nat pushes the blankets aside and clambers out of bed herself, following Steve to the bathroom since he left the door open. Her hand grips the doorframe lightly as she offers him a sleepy gaze full of empathy and understanding, expression easier to read than usual so early in the morning (or was it still considered late at night?)

"Hey," she offers noncommittally, putting the ball in his court. If he asked her to leave him alone, she would, but she'd rather see if she could at least help somehow. Even if it were something as simple as providing a distraction. She's good at those...

She'll find him at the sink tentatively putting his hands under the water. He's never sure if it's in his head or a real thing, but he feels numb all the same so it really doesn't matter. Steve glances her way shyly when she addresses him. He knows he doesn't have to be embarrassed. They talked about this. The feeling still creeps into way into his chest regardless of that.

"Hey." He glances down at his hands for a brief second before moving to shut the water off. "Do you mind grabbing me some clothes? I'm gonna take a shower. Get warm."

The request starts her a bit, though she edges in a little closer. "What, I'm not warm enough for you, sweetie?" It's probably not the right time to joke, but maybe it will break up some tension. Worth a shot. Her fingers brush his bicep, ice cold, nodding to him in the mirror. "Sure, I'll be right back. You get started without me." Natasha offers up a wink as she turns to leave him.

Steve smiles weakly at the joke. "Afraid not, darling." He heads for the shower once she turns to leave. He pulls his boxers off right in front of them, leaving them carelessly on the floor before stepping inside and pulling the curtain shut. The water turns on a moment later and he audibly gasps at the heat. It's a tough transition, but at least it's an improvement over freezing.

"Water's great, sweetie." He murmurs to himself as he shuts his eyes and just appreciates the heat seeping into his muscles. Much better.

She sighs softly when she's out of earshot, hearing his commentary over the water. This poor bastard, alone with her in a house while he's freaking out. Nat knows he'd rather have Tony now and she just barely staves off the urge to call the other man. It would jeopardize their whole mission, but maybe that's not exactly why she hesitates. Natasha hangs up a towel for him and finds some clean sweats in his bag for him to change into. Then she's padding down to the kitchen to make some hot chocolate. She has no idea if that's stupid or what, but it seems right for the time being.

Natasha comes back with everything and sits on the toilet to drink hers, blowing at the steaming hot surface. Between the beveling on the glass door and how hot he has the water, all she can see is steam and a blur of limbs. "Did you melt all your skin off yet?"

It's a slow and steady process, but the searing heat eventually seeps into his limbs. Steve sighs in relief even as his skin visibly reddens. It's not a perfect solution, but he didn't going crying to Tony on night one. That's progress even if he knows there's no shame in leaning on a friend aside from the fact it'd definitely wreck the mission.

He's rinsing off the soap he quickly lathered on to justify this shower by the time Natasha comes back in. Despite all the steam the hint of milk and chocolate is in the air. His mouth waters reflexively. Some sugar would be nice right about now. "Hard to say. We don't have a mirror in here." Steve jokes weakly as he turns off the water. That's enough for one night.

He cracks the shower door just enough for his massive arm to fit through and reaches blindly for a towel. "Little help?"

She smiles knowingly and sets her cup down to approach the door. Grabbing the towel down from where she'd hung it, Nat hands it over and allows the door to swing open in the process. Nakedness isn't something she's ever found reason to be embarrassed by, hers or anyone else's, but she's still human and can't help the way her gaze slips down. Her mouth goes a little dry even as she backs away, allowing him to make his own resurgence back into the room when he's ready. She retreats back to her perch, but never takes her eyes off him entirely. "Skin's still there," she chirps, crossing one leg over the other and taking a sip of her drink.

He can care less about nudity most of the time. The situation does give Steve slight pause before he dismisses it. They're supposed to be married. It's not like he ever cared if people saw him without clothing before. He lets out a soft scoff as he dries off carelessly. "Thanks. I was really starting to worry." He slips into the pajamas pants and goes to join her back in the room.

"Is that hot chocolate? It smells amazing."

"You said you were cold..." She doesn't know why she feels like she has to explain her actions, but she's shuffling after him and pressing the second cup into his hands. Her hand trails over his bicep on the way back and she smiles softly in the dimly lit room. God, he looks good. Natasha takes one look and forgets everything else she'd been about to say.

"I am. Was." He clarifies quickly. Steve takes a long drink and instantly feels a little better. Steve tentatively meets her gaze once he lowers the glass from his lips. "I appreciate this, Natasha. I really do." There's something. There always is with him. "May I ask you something? Other than that question." He's ahead on the quips for once.

She swallows past a dry patch in her throat and slowly bobs her head for yes. There isn't even the vaguest twitch of a smile on her part, and she folds one arm around her middle, still holding her cup aloft with the other hand. The reaction isn't for the cold, but rather because she suspects his question will be something personal -- something she isn't used to sharing. And yet she thinks she will share, and not just because it's Steve who wants to know but because she wants to tell him whatever it could be.

He hesitates a tense ten seconds before blurting it out. "Can I hold you?" Steve ducks his head in embarrassment. This is so unbelievably lame of him. He's had time to think it over in the shower. This is what will help him. "Tony always holds me. It's how I know I'm not... somewhere else. Would you be comfortable with that?"

The actual question has her blinking a few times, unchecked. If there was anything she could have expected, it wasn't that. And she's actually more comfortable with this than she could have been almost any other line of inquiry. Instead of answering right away, however, Nat sets her mug down on the bedside table and takes his out of his hand to place next to it. She then gestures for him to get in the bed first, serving up a smile she hopes is reassuring even if she knows it turns out wan. "I'm your wife," she reminds him, not hesitating to climb in after him. She turns away from him once she's close enough so Steve can spoon her comfortably. It's a near thing that she doesn't gasp at the feeling of his solid chest at her back and his arms winding around her. One slim hand grips his wrist as she turns her head so she can press her ear to his heart.

He snorts at her comment. Nevertheless he doesn't waste any time snuggling in close and closing his arms around her. It's different than what he's used to with Tony, but in a good way. The feel of Natasha pressed against him relieves the anxiety he's been feeling since he entered the bedroom knowing he'd be sleeping on his side of the bed. With Natasha anchoring him to the now, he feels safer.

"Doesn't mean you owe me anything." He breathes in the smell of her shampoo and sighs contently. "Goodnight, Nat."

Her hand gentles on his, squeezing her eyes shut and allowing his body to encapsulate her in comforting warmth. It's hard to enjoy however when he goes and says that. She knows his self esteem can be weak, and that he's still finding his way in this new world. Both are understandable, but that doesn't mean she likes it. Her heart is pounding hard, and it feels like there's a stone in her belly. Suddenly, Natasha turns around to face him, feeling as though she has to hold him too, if only for a moment. Her hand slides over his arm until both of hers find his waist and she curls into his chest, but though she's much smaller it doesn't feel that way, not really.

"I wouldn't do this because I owed you." It's very important to her that their relationship not be quid pro quo. That alone would break her heart. She presses her ear wholly against his chest this time, unabashedly listening for his heartbeat and wondering what she can discern from its pattern.

He instantly feels better for it. This is what he had been missing before. Different or not, Steve still appreciates it; her follow up even more so. His heart races briefly before he impulsively, he presses a kiss against her hair. "I'm glad you're here with me. I couldn't do this without you." Maybe this time he really will have pleasant dreams. The thought settles the beat down to something more steady as he lets their combined warmth start to lull him to sleep.

She waits for his breathing to even out, carefully listening as Steve goes still. If she weren't a spy, if she weren't so accustomed to this work, she would have argued with him. Natasha doesn't want to keep him up for it as much as she's terrified of being relied on. Clint relied on her and look where that got him, but with Clint she knew he'd always get himself out of tight spots with or without her. Steve is another matter entirely. And while she feels Tony is infinitely more qualified to take care of him emotionally... well. She had compared herself to Tony Stark before, and the venn diagram overlapped in more places than she'd care to admit.

One of them was now person shaped, that's all. She pulls away from him enough to get comfortable once she's sure that her movement won't wake him, rolling onto her back though one hand remains around him. Impulsively, she takes his hand in hers and laces their fingers over her belly and surprisingly enough she follows him over the edge of sleep not too long after.

When she wakes, sun is creeping in through the blinds and everything seems much starker and realer than the night before. Her heart pounds but she knows how to stay perfectly still while her brain catches up to her senses. It's only Steve -- she's safe, she has to remind herself -- even while it's impossible not to be endeared to the way he's tucked himself against her side, chin slotted into her shoulder. Even in sleep, he thinks he's still 90 pounds. Natasha hopes he never loses that.

"I'm glad you're here with me." The words echo in her mind as he goes on sleeping peacefully. It feels like there's a fist around her heart even as she idly moves her free hand through the hair at the base of his neck. "I couldn't do this without you."

She sighs and softly utters the words she would never have spoken to him while they were both conscious. "Me, too." She'd come to need him just as much, a fact that was almost as terrifying as the opposite.

It takes a couple of minutes for him to stir after that. Steve has felt warm and safe throughout the night. That ought to be clear enough given how he's forgotten himself and slotted in against Natasha like he did Bucky a thousand years ago. The fact that the scent is different and the bed is softer hasn't registered with him. He's at peace. If it weren't for the sun, he might have slept the day away curled into Natasha's side.

A puff of air and Steve's chin hitting her shoulder are the first greetings Natasha is going to get. His brain catches him up on what he needs shortly after. Only one actually has anything to do with the person he's sleeping beside. "Breakfast?" He's not opening his eyes until he gets a yes or no on that one.

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