cheeseburgerfirst: (089)
[personal profile] cheeseburgerfirst posting in [community profile] penistower
It isn't like all the other times. It isn't even like the first time -- Afghanistan -- her original trauma. She doesn't even remember getting home, getting her fucked up suit off, any of it. After Sokovia and Pietro... everything just stops. Fades to black. Even being home is a cold comfort because she doesn't feel Pepper at her side. Was she here last night? Did she tell her what happened? Toni starts awake, his looming face in her mind. And that voice. Her stomach turned. She created that thing and it almost destroyed the world.

Toni looks around and realizes she's on the couch. It must be late into the afternoon the way the Sun streams insistently through the curtains. She gets up too quick, her legs like rubber and hardly supporting her. She starts to go down, but catches herself on the arm of the sofa and slowly drags herself to stand. She feels clean, physically anyway. She's wearing fresh pajamas. Pepper must have been here last night, she must have helped her the same way she always has. Tony sighs and goes to the coffee maker, predictably, to start a pot. She then goes down the hall to pee only to realize she also wants to throw up. A memory filters in hazily of getting up to retch throughout the night, despite her stomach being emptied hours earlier. It's like being hungover except so much worse, the night coming back to her in disturbing little snippets.

She forces herself out of the bathroom and back to the kitchen, relief tangling with fear and other unnamed emotions when she sees Pepper standing there. Though she can't be sure if it's welcome now, her body compels her forward, wrapping her arms around the other woman and letting her head hang on her shoulder. Somehow she always makes it home, even when there's no chance of survival out there. She knows that's because of this woman in her arms, that she can even muster the strength to get back. To go on. She swallows and clings a little tighter. "I'm so sorry, baby."
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